July

I didn’t want the feeling of being in love to be taken away from meBut my brain overthinks

Like a clock in a timelapse 

Spinning

And spinning

Faster 

And faster

So at 4 in the afternoon when im in the middle of a math problem and an an english essay, and the world seems a little duller than normal, I start to believe I might not be happy with him

And it feels like he’s only temporary 

I feel guilt in thinking he’s not important, 

Thinking that he could be gone before my pen runs out of ink

That we could end like the day does when the sun sets 

Or like the month of July after the 31st

Because sometimes I shrink big things into small ones

Sometimes big things are scary

And maybe it’s easier to anticipate the end instead of the end knocking me off my feet

 if he’s a day

And if he’s july

There must be an end

But at 10 in the morning when his name comes up on my phone with a message saying he loves me, I don’t feel like he’s anything but mine

And at midnight when I can’t sleep because I’m cold there’s nobody else I’d wish to hold me 

Nobody else Id want to rub my back

Nobody else I’d want to kiss goodnight 

There’s nobody else I dream about 

I guess I failed to realize that the sun rises again

And july will restart in 11 months

So if he’s a day 

And if he’s july

He stays

S.b. 

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